Yo, I'm trying to sleep here and dat darn feather duster is blocking my sun. It's finally a sunny day and my body felt so great to bathe in all that sun when wudden cha know it dis birdbrain lands on my head. Well the problem is that even though i look like I'm a big carnivore (meat eater) I'm actually a harmless vegetarian (a vegesaurus as they say). So even though to my cousin the Tyranasaurus rex old Cloe up there looks like a nice little treat, to me she's just annoying. Well at least she's good for something. She's up there munching on my old skin and helping me shed. And if you're like me you know what a problem shedding can be especially when you get old like me. I'm 13 years old you know and it hasn't been an easy life. I spent the first 9 years of my life with that crazy kid, Daniel Mintzer. All he did was bang on the drums all day. Finally the kid goes off to college so I get some peace and quiet and what do they do...they drag me to my new home at the vets office. Ok, it is a little better here. No more drumming (though when the office is closed, the kids who clean up after me play some of that awful rap music....yuk. I think I like the racket from the drums better).
Anyway enough of my complaining. I don't have it too bad here. I only have to climb to the bottom of my cage to get yummy strawberries, broccoli, peaches, apples, lettuce, tomatoes and all sorts of other food that magically appears each morning. Then all these little kids come by to pet me and spray water on me so I feel like I'm back in the rainforest. I get to watch all sorts of animals come and go right in front of my house. Dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, mice, rats, and even once in a while another Iguana (though never as big and macho as me!). Sometimes though all that traffic gets a bit too much for me. When that happens I bob my head up and down which means, 'Yo, back off buster.'
All in all its not a bad life. Let's face it, I'm kept warm, well fed and healthy. Back in the jungle I might actually have to work for a living!
Ok, so I coo a lot. Well, more than a lot, I coo all morning long. Well not only all morning but all afternoon and all evening too. But I'm a Mourning Dove (not a Pigeon like Dr. Mintzer likes to call me) and that's what Mourning Doves do. And yes I'm a little sloppy with my bathroom habits...but I'm a bird so what do you expect? Just clean those little white spots off the printer once in a while and you won't even notice me.
Speaking about not noticing me. Look at the picture. Is that a dumb animal or what? I walked all over his head and he didn't even wake up. He's not a bad bird perch at all. To think he's related to the dinosaurs. well I'm related to the dinosaurs too. And, its quite easy to tell that he came from the intelligence challenged wing of the family. Truthfully, Floyd's a real bird brain (I'm allowed to make that kind of ethnic joke 'cause I'm a bird...don't you do it). Then there's Jerry and Tigger. They've convinced the people around here that they've learned to 'tolerate' me and they don't make any advances while the humans are around. But, and this is a big but, I see that look in their eyes, so I make sure the humans put me back in my metal home when they are out of sight.
For a while I really wanted to be outside doing what Pigeons, er Mourning Doves do. But you know the humans have been pretty kind to me. They feed me whatever I want and keep me nice an warm here in my home. I've got a great view from my perch and can see all the animals that come into the office. I've also noticed that the days are getting shorter and the weather is starting to get a little cold. I sure don't want to be outside when that white stuff starts to pile up. So, I think I'll stay here for a while. At least until my friend Alissa gets her own apartment and takes me home as she's PROMISED to do.